Vocabulary and Idioms for the Modern Era

  1. Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in the office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
  2. Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
  3. Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.
  4. Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
  5. Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stickin' crapplet!"
  6. Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impres clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
  7. Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are supected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
  8. 404 - Someone who's clueless. For the WWW error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."
  9. Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."
  10. Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
  11. Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
  12. Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
  13. Ohnosecond - That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
  14. PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard."
  15. Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the snot out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  16. Tourists - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."
  17. Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is Dale, my... um.... friend..."
  18. Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail or a vice-president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the numer of an uninstalled vice-president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.
  19. Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm boot for a Mac II involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
  20. Featurism - The technique of explaining bugs in a program by calling them features. "It's supposed to crash when you press 2. That's a feature."